OCD Sanity Checker

Google Goggles: Sanity Checker!

How much do I love, love, the person who created this program???

If only I had this years ago... before I buried myself in hundreds of hard copies and countless drafts waiting to be edited, checked, scanned, formatted, reviewed, merged, referenced, compared or merged with older versions of the same document.

Files upon files are waiting to be examined, edited, completed, and submitted at a later date TBA...

At least I am not the only one in need of a "sanity checker!" 

Living everyday with so much unfinished business and self-doubt has stopped me dead in my tracks! Preventing me from moving forward and doing so many things that are absent from my life. 

Even the most simple tasks become insurmountable obstacles when left to my own devices (usually at least 2-3 dictionaries, a thesaurus, grammar textbook, and the Chicago Manual of Style or the APA.) Ridiculous, right? Everything in my life takes at least 3x longer than the average (normal) individual. This can be anything from filing a job application, turning in graduate school applications, assignments and projects on time...

EVERYTHING is late!

EVERYTHING is pending!

EVERYTHING is probably good enough!

EVERYTHING was probably good enough in the first time around!

Getting caught up on insignificant details such as grammar, text wrapping, format styles, has come to define my adult life and experience. Interfering with my academic, personal, and professional goals

I want a sanity checker!!!!

 
When you are still editing the very same article after 13 or 14 years, you have a problem.

 I have a problem!

 
If I can ever figure out how to use it, hopefully it will prevent me from searching through thousands of text logs and backup files....

I need a sanity checker!

Working on your um-teenth hundredth draft gets tedious. Hopefully google goggles is better at time management and will not spend too much time hovering over typos, font size and other imperfections that probably make my writing a little more human.... a few misplaced commas never hurt anyone unless they are placed after a dollar sign!

Where can I sign up for a personal the "sanity checker" to guide me through the rest of my life??? To clear a path to my desk or help me find the floor...

Thanks so much to the genius who invented this gadget! I hope it works well!

How I wish I could revert back to my days before the technological revolution. My mind has information overload. My life has information overload. My brain is full!

My cyberseeking tools and inquisitive mind have become my kryptonite. Please-- make it stop! Stop the questions, stop the memories, stop the madness!

Just, plain, stop!

I miss Professor Marks' red ink pens back in college. Long before I knew what a computer was or how to turn the damn thing on. Now there's e-mail, Internet, spyware, malware, software utilities...

Life was so much easier before I became dependent upon technology and this stupid little box I cannot seem to pull myself away from. And now, much like my racing thoughts and RAM (random access memory) and my crazy busy mind that is a near perfect reflection of my chaotic life. My paper trail reaches from one room into the next... one year to the next... one decade to the next...

Now I can't seem to turn the thing off... I can't seem to turn anything in, and I can't seem to make things just perfect enough.

Wish me luck as I uncover more and more of my past... although I have often had regrets about sending imperfect documents prematurely: either too soon, too often, or sometimes too early; surely sending something is far better than not sending anything at all... 

In this life, people are never remembered for what they start-- only for what they finish.

Related Publications by ELyssa Durant, Ed.M.

STOLEN PUBLICATION by ELyssa Durant, Ed.M.

Even The New York Times posted a peralink. :( Not fair, copyLEFT

NEW YORK TIMES <~ THERE IS ALWAYS A PERMALINK!

HYPERLINK ADDED FOR IN YOUR FACE PURPOSES... 1/7/10

GOOGLE GOOGLES... I HAD THEM FIRST. GRRRRR...

ANYONE ELSE NEED A SANITY CHECKER? LINK BELOW!

Permalink: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/19/fashion/19drunk.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

(your welcome!)

Drunk, and Dangerous, at the KeyboardMail Goggles, a new feature on Google’s Gmail program, is intended to help stamp out a scourge that few knew existed: late-night drunken e-mailing.October 19, 2008 - By ALEX WILLIAMS - Fashion & Style

HERBALKING - Bits BlogMail Goggles, a new feature on Google’s Gmail program, is intended to help stamp out a scourge that few knew existed: late-night drunken ...

Google Inc. Mail Goggles, a new feature on Google’s Gmail program, is intended to help stamp out a scourge that few knew existed: late-night drunken e-mailing. ...


from the Blog Community ...Mail Goggles, a new feature on Google's Gmail program, is intended to help stamp out a scourge that few knew existed: latenight drunken emailing. ...

I WILL ADD THE LATEST VERSION....  OF ANOTHER BRILLIANT IDEA THAT I SHOULD NEVER HAVE LET OUT OF THE BAG... FUCK THE NEW YORK TIMES.

I STILL REMEMBER THE HEADLINE YOU SNAGGED ON SEPTEMPBER 12: THAT WAS MINE TOO. YOUR REPORTER COULD HAVE AT LEAST BOUGHT ME DRINK WHILE SITTING NEXT TO ME IN THE EAST VILLAGE! Grrrr.....  #yeahisaidit

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. Catchy, approprite, and I even can't get letter to the editor?

 Well things are chaning.  The news is in our hands now.  So no more media manipualtion. i'm so tired of reading the crap you guys put out to distract us from he issues.... and since I get a job... i may as well, keep writing for free..

AC made a forutne off the story I posted for free...  but I haven't forgotten. 


I know my own words. and it really hurts when I can't even get a letter to the editor printed, or a response from a local journalist about when call give them a hint where to look for REAL news

So I don't give a fuck if you all go down in flames.  Power to the people.

Because they wrote me off long ago.... and you may laugh because I'm different, but I laugh because you are all the same.

$1.00 for this story..... how much did AC make? I call your bluff.  And funny thing.... I never even got the dollar.  I can't wait for that audit.  

it may some time, but you have no idea, how much I could have helped you. It was is a good story.  The economist thought so... so did USA today. you guys just can't handle the truth.

All I wanted was to get the information out, so why charge ME to download my own story only to see someone elses byline?

I am watching the watchers.... and heads, up... I'm pretty damn good at it!

#yeahisaidit and i'll say it again if i need to.

Fuck you, AC!

The Powers That Beat From amazon.com: http://amzn.to/12GylaP

From amazon.com: http://amzn.to/12GylaP

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Bringing you the best of the best from the Autism and Asperger's support community. Hear from parents, professionals, advocates and people with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Additional posts about health law, technology applications, research developments and education.

Kindle blogs are fully downloaded onto your Kindle so you can read them even when you're not wirelessly connected. And unlike RSS readers which often only provide headlines, blogs on Kindle give you full text content and images, and are updated wirelessly throughout the day.

---

Product Details

• Publisher: Elyssa D. Durant, Ed.M. (February 18, 2013)
• Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
• Language: English
• ASIN: B00BHUVCDG

Unique and insightful

By 

jerome d. yencharis

This review is from: Powers That Beat (Kindle Edition)

Ms. Durant has drawn on her sterling academic background and extensive experience in health services policy development and actual service in the field to present a comprehensive analysis of the organ transplant situation in the United States. She thoroughly discusses all aspects of the situation - not only legal and medical, but also moral, social and ethical aspects and the dilemmas faced when this topic is addressed. Ms. Durant raises significant questions that must be addressed as organ transplants become more commonplace in today's times. A thought provoking book that should be read by everyone as this question touches every American. Highly recommended.

J. D. Yencharis
NASA Mission Planning & Mission Control 

When Elyssa writes something, you should read it. She is one of the most intelligent and articulate people I have ever known. She is an amazing researcher and really digs deep for the important facts on any topic she focuses on. If you want to learn details about a topic and get some cutting edge viewpoints related to it, read anything Elyssa Durant writes.

Stuart Silverberg, Ed.D.
Columbia University

Ms. Durant has a talent for explaining complex legal issues in interesting, accessible format. Her level of expertise on the subject matter is impressive and comes through on every page.

Rick Silver, Esq.

Ms. Durant has drawn on her sterling academic background and extensive experience in health services policy development and actual service in the field to present a comprehensive analysis of the organ transplant situation in the United States. She thoroughly discusses all aspects of the situation - not only legal and medical, but also moral, social and ethical aspects and the dilemmas faced when this topic is addressed. Ms. Durant raises significant questions that must be addressed as organ transplants become more commonplace in today's times. A thought provoking book that should be read by everyone as this question touches every American. Highly recommended.

Ray Harris
Advocate for People with Disabilities

Ms. Durant has an amazing ability to discuss complex policy issues in easy to understand language. She has a tremendous grasp of her topic and of her audience. Easy to read and understand; Ms. Durant explains difficult concepts and evolving health care law and policy issues in a user friendly manner. A real eye opener!

Karen Baker, MSW 

I just want all to know what a Hero for the Autism community Elyssa has been for us and how much we appreciate her advocacy and intelligent posts. AutismAid has been a dream of mine for ten years. my heart was just about broken when others took advantage of us. I know that in the end we meet people who we connect with and do the right thing. The 13 Service non profits under the AutismAid Umbrella and many others are in the fight for their life in this economy and environment. This Web and viral traffic is great. Thank you providing the support, documentation and logistics are needed to make the event happen.

Tim Welsh, Executive Director

AutismAid.org

From amazon.com: http://amzn.to/12GylaP

The Illuminati Illusion: Beauty or Beast?

Written by Stevie Nicks.

You're not a stranger to me
And you are something to see

You don't even know how to please
You say a lot but you're unaware how to leave

My darling lives in a world that is not mine
An old child misunderstood out of time

Timeless is the creature who is wise
And timeless is the prisoner in disguise

Oh who is the beauty who the beast
Would you die of grieving when I leave
Two children too blind to see
I would fall in your shadow I believe

My love is a man who's not been tamed
Oh my love lives in a world of false pleasure and pain;
We come from difference worlds we are the same my love

I never doubted your beauty I've changed
I never doubted your beauty I've changed

Changed who is the beauty
Where is my beast (my love)

There is no beauty
Without my beast (my love)

Who is the beauty
Who my love

Where is my beast
My beauty my beauty

My beautiful beautiful beautiful
Beautiful beast

My Life with Aspergers

For me, learning I had Aspergers was a huge relief. An "OMG" moment... you mean there is a name for it?

I have always been different.

I find the ordinary world ridden with useless scents, sounds, noise, and people.

People that lie, manipulate and hate.

Manipulative people are a mystery to me. Why not just ask for what you need?

I have always been one to give people what they need. Not necessarily what they want, but what the need.

People don't need that loud blaring music or strong scented perfume.  All it does is provide a distraction. One I can live with out.

When asked questions, I tell people the truth unaware that the truth is not what they want to hear. Kinda like, "do these pants make my ass look fat?" my reply might be, "no your ass makes your ass look fat."

Not exactly what people want to hear, huh?

I notice other behaviors and "oddities" that can now be attributed to Aspergers... not liking to be hugged by strangers; difficulty dancing with people other than myself.. I want to ask, "what do I do with my hands?"

I still get lost in my own head, my own home, my own neighborhood... but I'm finding my way... I may have gotten here a little later than most, but hopefully points are given for starting late and finishing strong.

My life with Aspergers is just beginning... I have much to do...

For now, that's all.

Just me,

e
@ELyssaD™

Writing Through Dark: Writing Wrongs

When I first started writing, the internet it became a substitute for human interaction. Aside from Pepe, the computer had become my next best friend.  Certainly better than any therapist I have ever seen. Writing through dark helped me to clarify and organize my thoughts.

My computer does not ask me stupid questions or blame me for taking too long to spit just the right words.

It does not mind if I stutter, take a break or tend to more pressing matters. The internet was simply another way to escape from the madness that surrounds me.

Before I knew to how to attach formatted, edited, spell checked versions of documents, I would often begin writing in cyberspace only to find that I addressed it incorrectly, or worse, copied the very last person I would want to know exactly how I feel.


There have been times when I have accidentally hit send a little too soon. When I review some of my past journal entries written online, it is easy to see the raw emotion that pours out of my soul into the physical world. There have been countless times I have found myself so completely caught up in the writing process that I get stuck to the keyboard for hours (sometimes even days) and yet there I am—- asleep at the keyboard— again!

Writing "live" can be dangerous—it is far too easy to come off as a raving lunatic who cannot hold one train of thought long enough to keep the web browser from timing out!

If only I could retrieve some of the messages that hit cyberspace...

Will I ever be able to coexist peacefully? Play well with others? I still work at my own pace— sometimes in my own world, always in my own head... I like to think I might flourish in some other man's world and tell myself I could exist in some other reality—but those who see through me know this is my last defense, and however sad, I must believe that if I am to go on.

However, be warned that I may, someday, somewhere, decide to stick around for a while. Could you be my neighbor? Would you be my friend?

Could you? Could I? Can I ever stop running and being afraid? What must I do, what I must learn, or who must I become to make you believe that such social grace and honest beauty have always come naturally to me?

When will this act ever subside? I developed an entire persona based on fear alone. How very sad. The cheerleader that never was. The child that never knew safety, peace, or security. A woman who existed in a world of silence— until now, I suppose.

Somehow, I must learn to embrace the fear. The fear of being discovered for the person that I am rather than the person I often pretend to be.

Regardless of the mask we put on when we go out in public, we all feel insecure, lonely, isolated, and afraid at times. Unfortunately, for me, I feel that way more often than not. I live with the kind of self-doubt that most people outgrow in early adolescence. The older I got, the more isolated I felt. Shouldn't I have outgrown this by now?

So now I have to become the person I used to be. The person I was meant to be. The person who existed long before the realities of life set in. Someone with hope, someone with a purpose. Someone who believed woman who existed long before the shadow of fear and failure ruled my every waking moment and took over the sleepless nights.

Yes, I can. Sometimes.

Fear.

Fear of believing that I deserved to be loved and never finding it. A human being entitled freedoms, and a woman who knows how to make choices. I am already stronger than I ever wanted to be.

I was blessed with strength.

Strength! Who the fuck wanted strength? Who wanted fear? Who wanted freedom???? There are people who love me-- they may not know it yet-- or may have forgotten me by now, but I need to stay put and live within my own skin again for a while just to see how feels.

Just stop running.

I have been challenged in ways that most people cannot even begin or understand-- and for me I must accept that there simply is no justice. So as I am, there is nothing that can replace what I have lost, not inside myself. I do not believe in revenge.

How ironic. How bazaar. Tragic. No one else cares. Who gives a shit? Why seek revenge for its own sake? How would that help? Nothing can replace what has been lost, not within myself.

But what if you are right??? What if--IF-- it is possible to let go of my anger? What will become of all that rage and turmoil I carry around with every waking moment? Can I exist peacefully within my own body? And what about the pain? I mean the hard the hard-core physical pain that hits me when I am most vulnerable? Can I live with the pain?

Can you promise me that it will have been worth it in the end? And, what if, after all is said done, I find myself to be an old woman with no friends, no ties, just a worn out memory of myself as I used to be—or who thought I might become. An old woman who lived far too long and too hard to realize that her act was done one-half a century ago.

Can you make it all worthwhile? Can you live with such responsibility?

Can I ever recapture enough of my former self to become a sexual being rather than innuendo? Can that person coexist in the same body that has brought me so much pain? Will anyone ever sift through the grime to find me? Will they ultimately feel it was just a waste of time? Will he hate me for it? Will he hate women as a result?

Can I ever learn to accept my physical pain without feeling compromised as a woman? Can I ever learn to accept my emotional mind without feeling compromised as a human being?

Do not tell anyone, but I can remember what it was like to enjoy sex. At what point can I allow myself to long for the sensation of human touch without being too optimistic? I don't want to get addicted. Sex will never be enough for me. I dream of loosing myself in a man's body. I dream about complete and absolute absorption.

I shall find mediocrity! Keep your labels interpretations and judgments to yourself. Control your need to soothe my fragile psyche or your need to "cure" me. I must find mediocrity. There in, I hope, lies the self. The everyday, the lull, the common person: rhythmic sanity and flattened affect. Dulled emotions and satisfaction. Satisfied, dull, boring, everyday. God—please!!! Where do I sign up?

Yes— okay— sometimes, it scares me to be so utterly alone, but what purpose does that serve? Even I know how despicable self-pity is in others and in myself. Especially for someone "like" me-- whatever that means! Great—so not only am I sad, but now I am feeling guilty too. And ashamed. And embarrassed. And Fear. And nothingness

Sometimes I wish others could understand the silent, peaceful, uncomplicated absolution that dawns with acceptance and resignation.

My goals have become so convoluted, yet here I sit, 13 years later, and my computer is still my best friend. My search for mediocrity continues. I am still looking for comfortable safety and a place of solitude before I can fulfill my "destiny"... to become whatever it is I was meant to be. Before I was reduced to nothing more than a shell of a person beaten down the Powers That Beat.

A journey on the road towards (Maslow's) self-actualization. Is it too late to build the strong foundations I lacked as a child? To feel secure enough in my physical surroundings and trust that my most basic needs will be met. Can I successfully transition into a world of unknowns without any understanding of the world as it is?

Maybe others have taken this path before me-- or maybe someday, someone might inadvertently wander into this sanctuary I call home. A place where nothing seems as it but exactly the way it is supposed to be.

Look at us-- who we are, what we do, and how we survive... all the people everywhere... All of us with limitless potential yet none of us know it-- irreverent disregard for what is real and complete disrespect for the rules that have thrust upon us.

This is the easy part-- restating economists and social scientists of days gone by-- so it is here that I can rest my head and my tired fingers. Why do I feel this shit? I actually *feel* this shit. As I sit and write (and eventually hit delete) I am bound to the streams of consciousness-- irate bouts of ranting and raving-- knowing how easy it is for people to silence such carrying-ons.

Upon writing my first piece ever-- a poem about motherhood, childhood, and the woman-child, my mother tried to have me committed. What a reality check! At 22, 1 put side my fear and wrote a simple poem for myself, to myself. It was straightforward, simple and direct, and almost landed me in an insane asylum. Are my words that dangerous? Are my feelings so far beyond the norm that I need to be removed from society altogether?

Yes, with a copy of my journal in hand, my mother's shrink showed up at my door-step to express her "grave concern" about my perception of reality. Not the first time, and it definitely would not be the last. As the years went by, I learned that my words would be used against me as a testimony to my madness. Only after years of therapy have I come to understand that it was not my words that were so dangerous, it was my ability to use them correctly. Perhaps it was not my sanity that should have been called into question...

I called my first piece, "On Not Being Able to Write." So simple, so eloquent, and so honest. After that little encounter, I learned about secrecy, symbolism, and self-censorship. I learned to write in riddles, live in puzzles, and think in circles. It kept others out-- but left me afraid. Afraid to be seen for who I am. Afraid of how my words were being received and how they would be interpreted. And now that things have come full circle, I am making a welcome return to honesty and a much needed reprieve from my riddles.

Let there be boundaries. Let them be impenetrable, secure, and bold. Obvious boundaries-- this is my path-- and you may not come with me. You must learn to find your own!

I think I shall buy a paint-by-numbers kit at the toy store. Simple. Impossible-but only because I can not paint!!!!

RE-WRITE RE-MOVE AND RE-PLACE! .hack//SIGN

The Company

My dad used to sing this to me when I was a little girl... 



Two years ago, I had never even heard of the New World Order, Illuminati Elite.

I lived a simple, silent, and honest life, yet still managed to pass as "normal" until I wast cast aside, shunned, humiliated and brutalized by friends, neighbors and police. They knew nothing of the secret society simply referred to as "The Company"

Apparently, I have something they want, dead or alive. They want both my secrets and my silence, but more than that, they want my genetic code.  

They know who my father is and obviously realize I know quite a bit about his activities in counterintelligence, cybercrimes, and high profile cases.

Cases that made him millions by defending the most notorious bankers, corporate criminals and corrupt politicians that are linked directly to the Rothschild fortune and the Illuminati conspiracy.

The 'Company' has showed more interest in the last few months than my father has in the last 38 years.

In a perfect world, I would find out that my father didn't just leave because he is too busy working, playing or doing whatever....

But the sad truth is, my father has gone to extreme measures to distance himself from my life. He has no concept of how his negligent behavior and management of my disability benefits have caused me in the real world. But he is best known for his fancy footwork -- keeping money hidden so it can be transferred from one bankster to another.

But in a perfect world.. I would find out that he did this because he knew of the danger that comes by virtue of having a family history that is deeply involved with the CIA and corporate elite. I would learn that he did this to keep me safe from the heavy hand of his corrupt colleagues at the CIA, the Illuminati elite and the New World Order.

This so called "Company" goes far beyond the USA, CIA, or his buddies on Wall Street.  It goes deep underground beneath the hidden tunnels of Egypt and Gaza and the Israeli Defense Force -- and even Mossad have contacted me in some form or another to let me know, "when we come to kill you, be prepared, because we are very good at terrorizing terrorists"

Clearly their secrets are far more important than my life..

I'm in deep.  Much deeper than I could even admit to myself until it became so obvious that I couldn't ignore what was clearly a conspiracy to either silence me, kill me, or drive me to the brink of insanity so that my credibility, mind, body and spirit were broken beyond repair. 

I can't believe that I to convince myself that surely these events were unrelated to what I know.  I wanted to believe they were random "coincidences" or the result of bad choices, bad luck, and random acts of violence complicated by systemic corruption.

I am ready to take my place in the world.  I am ready to become the "man" I need to be so that I can protect my loved ones from being targeted as well.

I have always been  a vocal advocate for the weak and underprivileged, but I have never been more determined to watch the elite fall from grace as they have watched one of "their own" brought to their knees.

I speak not only for myself, but for a few others who have had their lives completely destroyed and torn apart by wolves and sheep who simply don't see the full picture.

RB:  this one's for you...  you have nothing to fear, but I'm pretty sure you already know that. It is the rest of these sorry fuckers that needs to worry, because paybacks are a bitch.

My father once told a colleague that I may be the only person who is as smart or smarter than he is, and if that is true, I would do the same to my own children if I had them.

So, despite the "bad blood" between my father and I, I suppose I should say, "thank you, daddy-- for making me stronger than I ever believed I could be..."

#DMCA TAKE DOWN - The CONTELPRO Legacy: His story (and hers)

Daily dose of TM

StaTus: Halted in progress (yay me @ElyssaD)

I don't if know if you received this email. My netbook crashed as I as sending and it froze for 26 hours.

But I did the information for SafeLink program which is wonderful because my extremely "bazaar" and changes the cell service every few days without informing me. Tmobile will not provide information at all so I can't access email because they reset the password. Ironically, the ONE legal snafu with that little welfare phone...  the bitch fucked me there too... by claiming me AGAIN as a dependent in New York State.

As you know she claimed as a dependent on her tax returns without my consent or knowledge.

The IRS informed me of this breach since every time I went to file my taxed they were rejected by the IRS because it showed up a duplicate Tax (Social Security ID)

She claims that her accountant did and she knew nothing about it (if you could only picture my face and feel the sarcasm in voice as I am forced to repeat this information time and time again to any and all "agencies" who make inquired) she however does see this as a problem and refuses to file an amended return (cost $70.00) so once again I am rendered incapable of establishing independent (in every sense of the

word)

In addition, my father, well... Here we go...

My father as you know agreed to be my representative payee for Social Security disability. Obviously that was a big mistake on my part and has yet to be resolved. Congressman Cooper's office totally dropped the ball and said there is nothing they can do. I requested that reopen the investigation, and despite my persistent nice (which is both annoying and immense) they simply do pretend that I don't exist. Governor Bredesen sent an email telling me to call the President.

Seriously, are you kidding me?

So this is where we stand: no Social Security never received the money that received in ITOLA account during the months I spent sleeping in my car or at the lake last summer.

And yes. I did spend a week or so at "The Mission" when I ran out of gas, energy, and hope last August. My father still was receiving the money, but did not pay bills, or release to me in time to prevent the inevitable total disconnection of any and all services (utilities) making it near impossible to re-establish service. They required excessive fees for deposits and past due balances.

http://youtu.be/UkVtucGFaqc

HACKTIVISM 101

As per federal law, my father, Marc Durant is responsible for paying those fees as they were a direct result of his failure to act in my best interest but also a breach of fiduciary duty.

Now, to make matters worse, every time they seem to locate the paperwork it gets redirected to the Philadelphia field office. So The US Dept of Treasury located the funds that were never sent "in error" some bank account (probably in the Cayman's or wherever rich people go to hide there money ~ note both the sarcasm and the simple fact that this is most likely true. It is sad that even to put in these little side notes to even use the one things that through this mess...

Dark sarcasm and a little bit of humor. I'm sick of making excuses for these people (mother: Karen, and father: Leslie Marc Durant) so I am laying it down on the table for whomever it cares to question and blame me for this "unfortunate" situation..

These are the facts. And I need to take a break because my fingers are getting cramps and my back is in spasm.

But I will continue to "the facts" out as long so that I can be free of the constant struggle to be independent, self-sufficient and EMPLOYED! This is absurdity and I realize I have people who do see the obvious truth here. Yet in the real world and the everyday struggle to be "human" continues.

My mother will always be #batshitcrazy

My father will always be #abovethelaw

But I will not always have the strength or the ability to communicate effectively given my financial, physical and emotional reality.

I am aware. I am aware that this is too much for one person to handle and I don't blame those walk away in disgust and frustration because they don't understand the intricate details of the law or the immense emotional drama AND trauma that I face each day without resolution.

I understand that people need to believe that these are the ramblings of a mad woman. If that were true I would say by all means, give me the strongest does of anti psychotics asap. As I think most people are

starting to realize, unfortunately, these facts check out.

There is no treatment for the habitual and continued ignorance of the public at large.

It is not my job soothe them or educate them as in law, sociology, and "the world according to me @ElyssaD"

I do the best I can because I know how serious and pervasive certain components of my story ring true for a number of people.

I will do the best I can to fight that stigma and the emotional torture I live with every single say.

Godammit, I hope this thing sends. It is bad enough that I am typing all this shit on cell phone because AT&T wants a $450 non refundable fee plus $150 deposit, plus $49 for installation for internet.

So in the spirit of which it was intended:

View all

Get your own

Wishing myself luck. I know these words are dangerous to some, especially in light of the guy who got arrested for sending out a threatening tweet. Yeah, ~ insert sarcasm about here ~ if you think my words are "dangerous" than you need you deserve to be scared!

(Laughs to oneself as I know I am not a physical threat to anyone but let's face it, if you don't get it you never will. And if this is a lesson is Social Darwinism, let the dumb ones live in fear! And to quote (without permission or proper citation to be added!) But "If this tweet offends you, probably deserve it!"

 @icpchad Yes. I am aware. Now format this bitch and enter it into your contest. I deserve win something... Maybe an iTHINGY or iNTERNET. Not just iWANT that is a legitimate iNEED in the world I live in.

This is me, just me

@ElyssaD

View all

Get your own

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Elyssa Durant

Date: Tue, 11 May 2010 19:32:58 -0500

Subject: New Microsoft Office Word Document

To: elyssa.durant@yahoo.com, ELYSSA DURANT

Thanks Stacy... I had a hearing at Social Security about two weeks ago.

Very depressing. It cost $44 to or transportation, and they already reversed the decision now I have to go back again and file the same paperwork.

I have not received anything from Section 8 which has me concerned, and my I am a really difficult time with without internet, TV, transportation.... or even a library w/in walking distance.

Especially with the weather this weekend... I had no idea until I heard the sirens. and then of everything was closed... and in 'the hood" it is cash culture, so of course ppl became very aggressive [aka mean] fighting over bottle of water and at the gas station when they reopened.

my mother cancelled changed the password on the "family plan" after we had "words" regarding well... really nothing... but today has just been especially difficult since I don't have reliable phone service... which of course is both a security and comfort issue for someone who writes as a form of therapy..

I just received this alert on my computer email... I don't even know where to start...

I received the invitation to the info session on WIPA that you guys did...unfortunately transportation is problematic.

I have been receiving a lot of from people online... as silly as it sounds there are so many ppl isolated and lonely. So I found they have forums for ppl with PTSD and it has been very helpful to have eed back that I am not the only one feeling left behind in the disability movement.

Apparently I managed to reach a few ppl locally who call [my number is public] to ask if I had any success with the housing and re-employment programs. it makes me feel like I can be of some service to the community... social services just got hear so I need to sign off but I have received so many fraud alert that other people e.g., EFF and other human right agencies have started to ask about my story.

All I can say is that I did write a review online for the Center for Independent Living at disabilty.gov website when they were looking to for feedback on reemployment programs... I also had an article in USA Today and the Hufffington Post that made me hopeful and regret at the same time... this is a recent post i got tons of feed back on... it is long, but ppl really seem to relate...

Daily dose of TMI: May 13, 3010

Staus: Halted in progress

I don't if know if you received this email. My netbook crashed as I as sending and it froze for 26 hours.

But I did the information for SafeLink program which is wonderful because my extremely "bazaar" and changes the cell service every few days without informing me. Tmobile will not provide information at all so I can't access email because they reset the password. Itonically, the ONE legal snafu with that lttle welfare phone...  the bitch fucked me there too... by claiming me AGAIN as a dependent in New York State.

As you know she claimed as a dependent on her tax returns without my consent or knowledge. The IRS informed me of this breach since every time I went to file my taxed they were rejected by the IRS because it showed up a duplicate Tax (Social Security ID)

She claims that her accountant did and she knew nothing about it (if you could only picture my face and feel the sarcasm in voice as I am forced to repeat this information time and time again to any and all "agencies" who make inquired) she however does see this as a problem and refuses to file an amended return (cost $70.00) so once again I am rendered incapable of establishing independent (in every sense of the

word)

In addition, my father,

My father as you know agreed to be my representative payee for Social Security disability. Obviously that was a big mistake on my part and has yet to be resolved. Congressman Cooper's office totally dropped

the ball and said there is nothing they can do. I requested that reopen the investigation, and despite my persistent nice (which is both annoying and immense) they simply do pretend that I don't exist. Governor Bredesen sent an email telling me to call the President.

Seriously, are you kidding me?

So this is where we stand: no Social Security never received the money that received in IOTLA account during the months I spent sleeping in my car or at the lake last summer.

And yes. I did spend a week or so at "The Mission" when I ran out of gas, energy, and hope last August. My father still was receiving the money, but did not pay bills, or release to me in time to prevent the inevitable total disconnection of any and all services (utilities) making it near impossible to re-establish service. They required excessive fees for deposits and past due balances.

As per federal law, my father, Marc Durant is responsible for paying those fees as they were a direct result of his failure to act in my best interest but also a breach of fiduciary duty.

Now, to make matters worse, every time they seem to locate the paperwork it gets redirected to the Philadelphia field office. So The US Dept of Treasury located the funds that were never sent "in error" some bank account (probably in the Cayman's or wherever rich people go to hide there money ~ note both the sarcasm and the simple fact that this is most likely true. It is sad that even to put in these little side notes to even use the one things that through this mess...

Dark sarcasm and a little bit of humor. I'm sick of making excuses for these people (mother: Karen, and father: Leslie Marc Durant) so I am laying it down on the table for whomever it cares to question and blame me for this "unfortunate" situation..

These are the facts. And I need to take a break because my fingers are getting cramps and my back is in spasm.

But I will continue to "the facts" out as long so that I can be free of the constant struggle to be independent, self-sufficient and EMPLOYED! This is absurdity and I realize I have people who do see the obvious truth here. Yet in the real world and the everyday struggle to be "human" continues.

My mother will always be #batshitcrazy.

My father will always be #abovethelaw.

But I will not always have the strength or the ability to communicate effectively given my financial, physical and emotional reality.

I am aware. I am aware that this is too much for one person to handle and I don't blame those walk away in disgust and frustration because they don't understand the intricate details of the law or the immense emotional drama AND trauma that I face each day without resolution.

I understand that people need to believe that these are the ramblings of a mad woman. If that were true I would say by all means, give me the strongest does of anti psychotics asap. As I think most people are starting to realize, unfortunately, these facts check out.

There is no treatment for the habitual and continued ignorance of the public at large.

It is not my job soothe them or educate them as in law, sociology, and "the world according to me @ElyssaD"

I do the best I can because I know how serious and pervasive certain components of my story ring true for a number of people.

I will do the best I can to fight that stigma and the emotional torture I live with every single say.

Godammit, I hope this thing sends. It is bad enough that I am typing all this shit on cell phone because AT&T wants a $450 non refundable fee plus $150 deposit, plus $49 for installation for internet

So in the spirit of which it was intended:

Wishing myself luck. I know these words are dangerous to some, especially in light of the guy who got arrested for sending out a threatening tweet. Yeah, ~ insert sarcasm about here ~ if you think my words are "dangerous" than you need you deserve to be scared!

(Laughs to oneself as I know I am not a physical threat to anyone but let's face it, if you don't get it you never will. And if this is a lesson is Social Darwinism, let the dumb ones live in fear! And to quote (without permission or proper citation to be added!) But "If this tweet offends you, probably deserve it!"

 @icpchad Yes. I am aware. Now format this bitch and enter it into your contest. I deserve win something... Maybe an iTHINGY or iNTERNET. Not just iWANT that is a legitimate iNEED in the world I live in.

This is me, just me

e

@ElyssaD

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Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.

Nashville, Tennessee

(615) 424-8810

"You may not care how much I know, but you don't know how much I care."

_________________________________________________________________

Posted via email from ElyssaD's Posterous

File under: Disambiguation, Crime, Social Justice / Human Rights; Crime, Crisis, Digital Divide, Cognitive Dissonance, Conspiracy

Obstruction of Justice: Destruction of Character by Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.

Please note that I am copying a third party with this e-mail.

1. Social Security must be advised immediately that they have

(a) The amount on the check is significantly less than the amount stated in the letter I received less than one month ago

(b) My former representative payee misreported my income on his last statement

(c) In addition to misreporting my income, he checked the wrong box so he never told them that I am longer working and do not receive any either income

This is important for several reasons because my re-certification for food stamps and TennCare (Medicaid) is tomorrow and DHS uses the income reported to Social Security to determine my eligibility status. There is somewhat of d domino effect since my Section 8 payment was also changed effective 8/1/2008 based on this information, and as you are aware, my former case manager never mailed in any of the documents requested last March.

I have taken care of the subrogation claim, however, that does not minimize my level of frustration because I am DROWNING in paperwork. I have contacted several agencies to provide assistance, however I do not have the resources necessary to provide them with timely response. There is a very limited time allowed to request reconsideration or file an appeal.

I have done everything humanly possible to clean up the slack, however ant this point, I feel I have no other choice than to file a formal complaint so that my entire case is reviewed. The number of mistakes is so overwhelming that I simply do not have enough time to documents each and every one with the respective agency.

I also want to be clear that every time I have to call Social Security or DHS, it only compounds my cost of living expenses (40 cents per minute on the telephone -- a bill which is not even considered to be a justifiable expense) Most agencies do not include self-addressed stamped envelopes, and I can not afford the postage required to mail out all of the requested documentation (e.g., utility bills, medical bills, pay stubs, etc.)

Fortunately, a number of agencies will take online complaints. Unfortunately, my internet was interrupted for non-payment for several weeks and there is no funding resource or community agency that provides subsidized Internet access or free printer ink.

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Transportation costs are ridiculous so going to the library is not an option. Neither is returning to work right now, since it would cost too much to get to the interview or provide official (expensive) copies of my graduate school transcripts that were oh, such a good investment!

That aside, I am not the most user friendly person right about now, so I have found it difficult to put on a happy face so I can work at McDonald's which pays more than Metro anyway.

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The subrogation claim has been resolved but I just learned that my breast biopsy was not [pre-authorized and I was told by my INSURANCE CSR (the person who answers the phone) that I should not have the surgery that has already been scheduled at the Women's hospital for 8/21/2008 since they did not authorize the biopsy last month, and have not received a request prior authorization for the surgery that has already been scheduled for next week...

This was a lovely 54 minute conversation because he would not mail me copies of my EOBs or confirm that what, if any, requests have been submitted for payment since my last inquiry and change of address. He finally told me that to call the state (Tennessee) which I have already done several times, and they told me to call Social Security but it was already past business hours and I am not authorized to make changes to my file anyway.

I will try to be more specific later without going into too much detail, but unfortunately, that level of detail is required to file the necessary appeals. Ironic, huh? This apartment is like my own little cage, and I am just pathetic enough to run around in circles, hoping to find the much like a hamster wheel, rodent chasing in circles hoping to found my way out my way out before I run out air. If only I had finished my damn PhD, I would do my own case study or reality show on how far we will go to have nothing at all...

And even though my life is a living hell, I have almost learned how to enjoy the sheer irony of it all... for someone with OCD and post-traumatic stress, this is truly a ridiculous little experiment.

I will be in touch when I can. Unfortunately, each agency has different deadlines, and it takes a lot of energy and time to scan in, copy, or respond to each inquiry in writing, so I find myself running out of time since I cannot seem to get anything done unless I just do nothing at all.

I am becoming increasingly inspired to just burn every last document I own, throw away my keys and my cell phone and take Spotty some place where we can live off the land and ignore the fact that society has me chained to a computer screen that screen that does provide the basic necessities I need to live.

I have come this far, and I am becoming rather skilled and at expressing myself without needing an audience or the obsessive need to check every fact, throw, and typo for capitalization and perfection.

So for now I write. Maybe later, I will read, but if there is any justice left in this world, someday, I might actually live.

Good-bye for now. I need a break.

With love,

Your little sis.

Elyssa Durant, Ed.M.
Nashville, Tennessee
Reply to: elyssa.durant@columbia.edu

"You may not care how much I know, but you don't know how much I care."


--- On Mon, 8/11/08, Lauren Durant laurendurant@durantlaw.com wrote:

From: Lauren Durant laurendurant@durantlaw.com

Subject: s.s. check - attached

To: ed70@columbia.edu

Date: Monday, August 11, 2008, 5:05 PM

$515.50

COINTELPRO: DESTRUCTION OF EVIDENCE