Today I was finally able to submit handed in the appeal I waited over three years to submit. And it is just an APPEAL! Not even a decision. Not a win, but also not a loss.
The APPEAL has given me the strength to keep going. In part because it shows that I haven't lost and in part because it means that somebody actually listening.
So listen carefully, my friends. It was not too long ago that I had almost everything a young person needs to succeed in this world.
Or maybe not.
As for my most current insurance dispute... I feel that I have done everything humanly possible to be sympathetic towards health care provider who is NOT providing care. I cannot sacrifice my own well being for every bright eyed bushy tailed wanna be who is too stupid to see that I am far from.
I had such a battle this week. It culminated in the end like every other battle I have taken on. I only won because ultimately but we are all losing.
For every underqualifed, health care provider who has NOT provided the adequate, there are many more like me. Alienated just enough to give up on fashion, etiquette and social norms, but not enough to walk from it all.
We are keeping watch. We are taking names, and I for one do not give a rat's ass about "keeping the peace."
Having been on both sides if the proverbial couch, I have the perspective is both enlightening and scary at the same time.
I look back and want to say shout "told you so" from the nearest roof top.
Crazy is crazy does... out loud. I may be enjoying this just a little too much.
Sometimes I try to look at this fight, (I meant to say this life) objectively.
I can see my own future, and I can see where it is taking me. I know how it will end it I don't keep up the pace.
It is amazing at how far we will go to have nothing at all.
I have come this far, and on some level I almost enjoy the dance. No. On some level, I actually love the dance.
No. I won't give up now. Because without this turmoil, this means to an end, this demonstration project of futility and determination, and without it, I am nothing at all. I can't lose what I never had. I won’t be another sell-out-- mostly because I don't know how.
I am then the voice of perseverance. I am one voice of perseverance. I am one of 47 million Americans. And today I am I am still fighting the good fight.
This battle; this challenge; this half won war this fight has come to define me. And without that, I am not really much of anything at all...
As someone once told me, if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. I've already fallen, but I sure as shit stand for something.
"... so for now, I write. Maybe later listen. And if there is any justice left in this world, maybe someday, I'll actually live. "
Good night, folks. It is time for that break.
Elyssa Durant
Nashville, Tennessee
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