Listening Through Dark

http://twitter.com/almostvisible

#namaste

Another Unanswered Letter [Content Warning: TYVM, FURB]

[unedited... apologies for typos, etc]

The letter below dated April 13, 2008 went unanswered. That correspondence along with many others who just pretend I don't exist.

Now I know exactly how much I mean to this City.

PAY ME TO LEAVE!!!!!

There is nothing quite so disturbing as being invisible. Yes. I am homeless. I have lived through a shooting, an assault by a security guard at a medical facility, and with no other place to go, I rented a room in a house for low income adults who are SEVERELY FUCKING DISTURBED!!!!

Now I am deeply disturbed too. I am deeply disturbed that this is the best we can do.

At least I know I need help, and when to get it. Despite being owned by a CMHA [Community Mental Health Agency] and the recipient of both state and federal funds, the only rule in this house is don't call 911. In other words, when locked out or assaulted by one of the 3 other house mates, Mobile Crisis is OFF LIMITS. Now I know better than anyone that Mobile Crisis sucks, but when you are standing beneath a 6 foot woman holding a waffle iron over your head, 911, mobile crisis, IDGAF who intervenes, just someone do something!

I called the crisis hotline the other day. In all honesty, I just had no one else to talk to, my internets had been disconnected and sabotaged, the house phone locked up. I was just lonely (and locked out during a tornado warning)

But trust me, there is nothing quite like sticking me in a house with SSPMI (super severe persistent mental illness) that make me look almost normal and and a landlord with a no-call policy against Mobile Crisis and mental health helplines.

I have lost everything near and dear to me since I first offered to participate with the local police department after the shooting downstairs. That was in February.

Next, I lose Spotty because not a single person in Nashville has enough compassion to rescue an innocent animal that I rescued from one of clients several years ago. And you wonder why I'm so angry?

PLEASE SAVE SPOTTY

http://darknightdurant.blogspot.com/2009/04/please-save-spotty.html

Don't worry, I know you want my silence, that message came through loud and clear.

You can take everything from me [actually, you already have] but you will not take my voice. And I can promise you this, my memory is long, and it is hot. Look it up assholes, hot memory.

Yeah... you did this. Now it's my turn.


Continue to sneak a peak every now and then.... your e-mails will appear on this page. Fuck you, and fuck you right back. Happy Anniversary, Elyssa. You have officially been a resident of this fine fucking state for exactly 13 years.

Kicking ass, not so much... taking names... you can bet your sweet ass I am!





CLAIM IT QUICK, COUNCILMAN... AN APOLOGY IS FAR BETTER THAN ANYTHING I MIGHT SAY BELOW...




[Unanswered letter to EC, Metro Council]

April 13, 2009

Can you please tell me who I could speak with (preferably informally) about a situation with Section 8 and MDHA.

I have already spoken with Pat Clark, director of MDHA, and she has been an unsympathetic to the fact that there has been an ongoing problem with drugs and violence with children in the same complex.


Legal Aid / or pro-bono refused to will represent me since my parents are attorneys. They told me I would have to get the money for court fees and a court reporter from them. That just ain't gonna happen.


I am 36 years old.

I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful in any way-- you have been extremely kind and gracious towards me, I am just exhausted by this process and I think it is pretty easy to see that I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

If there is someone in particular who works closely with the housing authority and utilities, kindly ask them if you can release their name to me(or vice versa) so I can make sure it on the record before I loose my section 8. The landlord is paid in full, but I still have to move by the 22nd.
.

Thanks so much. If there is anyone you can think please let me know. There is stigma and judgment that comes long with a person who lives in public housing, but can assure you it would not be my first choice.

Thank your discretion and assistance.

Sincerely yours,

Elyssa Durant
ed70@columbia.edu
6154248810

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Only the Lonely Can't Play

I miss New York. I miss my wild, brilliant friends plagued by curiosity, insomnia, and creativity. But, guess what?

In the city, I can disappear. I can peruse the streets at 3am and still find things to do. If not to do, then things to see. I can stand in the middle of Times Square just reading the Live News Feeds in technicolor, or I can visit the Internet Cafe just across the street from the Hello Kitty store.

I don't think it was ever really about the city, I think it is more about the anonymity. Someplace you can be yourself, and never worry about being judged for being different. I don't fit in here. But to be fair, I don't really fit in anywhere.

Who knew that loneliness can become a family in its own right? Always there, and always familiar. Who would have believed that solitude can become our greatest companion, and that strangers can become our very best friends. I'm getting older now, and I'm not so sure I like it as much anymore...

I can wake up old friends that actually dare to sleep before the sun comes up. So while you the world sleeps, I write. I dig. I learn, I question, and I write.

To Randall, Wendy, Rob, Robert, Christopher Martin, and a few others that got lost along the way; please know that I still grieve for each and every one of you. I mourn the loss of friendships we once shared, and there is an emptiness in my life that memories and photographs will never fill.

But perhaps most of all, I grieve for my self. I grieve for the person I used to be. The person I almost was. The person I believed I would become. The person you left left behind.

To some: Thanks For Giving. To others: Good Luck ForGetting.

Elyssa


The Dark Night Returns
I think it is more about the anonymity. Someplace you can be yourself, and never worry about being judged for being different. In the city, I can disappear. I can peruse the streets at 3am and still find things to do. If not to do, then things to see.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1110764/the_dark_night_returns.html

YOU WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND

You Would Not Understand

New York, New York.The City That Never Sleeps

I miss New York. I miss my wild, brilliant friends plagued by curiosity, insomnia, and creativity.

In the city, I can disappear. I can peruse the streets at 3 am and still find things to do. If not to do, then things to see. I can stand in the middle of Times Square just reading the Live News Feeds in technicolor, or visit the Internet Cafe just across the street from the Hello Kitty store.

But, I'm getting older now, and I'm not so sure I like it anymore...

~retraction 1/7/2010 ~

I can no longer wake up old friends that actually dare to sleep before the sun comes up.

So while you the world sleeps, I write. I digg. I learn, I question, and I write.

~and I Tweet~ 

To Randall, Wendy, Rob, Robert, Christopher Martin, and a few others that got lost along the way; please know that I still grieve for each and every one of you. I mourn the loss of the friendships we once shared. There is an emptiness in my life that memories & photographs could never fill. I don't have them anymore.

But perhaps most of all, I grieve for my self. I grieve for the person I used to be. The person I almost was. The person I believed I would become. The person you left left behind.

To some: Thanks ForGiving.

To others: Good Luck ForGetting

Elyssa // previously known as "LIz"
.

Who knew that loneliness can become a family in its own right? Always there, always familiar. Who would have believed that solitude can become our greatest companion, and that strangers would become our very best friends?I don't think it was ever really about the city, I think it is more about the anonymity. Someplace you can be yourself, and never worry about being judged for being different. I don't fit in here. But to be fair, I don't really fit in anywhere.